LIAM 015 – Make Deposits Into Your Emotional Bank Account!

This episode is a continuation of Episode 14, in which I talk about the importance of your emotional bank account. This episode breaks down some practical steps for making deposits to build up your self-esteem and confidence, which will overflow into every aspect of your life.

Quotes from the show:

Love is the bridge between you and EVERYTHING! — Rumi

Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayers. — Maya Angelou

Be the change that you wish to see in the world. —  Mahatma Gandhi

You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop. — Rumi

Show outline:

  1. Building up your self-esteem, making deposits into your emotional bank account, is the most important thing you can do for yourself because it impacts all of your thoughts, decisions and actions
    1. When you love yourself and have confidence in yourself it creates success in every area of your life: business, personal, social, spiritual
    2. You cannot out-perform your self-image/worth
  2. Story of the Golden Buddha in Bangkok, Thailand
    1. Golden Buddha covered with clay in 1767 to prevent it being stolen by the Burmese invaders.
      1. The Burmese army killed everyone, so nobody knew the statue’s value
    2. Real worth was undiscovered until 1955
    3. We all are precious, valuable, creations, but have been covered with mud so our beauty isn’t seen.
    4. We need to rediscover our true worth and contribute our beauty to the world!
  3. It all begins with love and gratitude
    1. Self-love is not conceited or self-centered, but it is essential to your self-esteem and self-worth
      1. Love is the bridge between you and EVERYTHING! – Rumi
    2. Learn to love and appreciate yourself and that will flow over to others
      1. When you don’t love and value yourself, you sub-consciously send out a message to others that says: you shouldn’t love and value me either!
    3. Express gratitude everywhere, for everything, all the time!
      1.  Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayers. – Maya Angelou
    4. Let “thank you” and “I love you” be the most used phrases in your daily speech.
  4. You alone are responsible for your own self-esteem!
    1. Be intentional about working on your self-esteem. Most people don’t even think about it!
    2. You may not have gotten the love you wanted/need from parents
    3. You may have suffered hard situations beyond your control
    4. You may have made mistakes–we all have. Forgive yourself. Forgive others!
    5. No matter what your self-esteem level is right now, you can increase it to any level you want
      1. It will take practice and conscious, intentional effort every day
      2. If you want it bad enough, you can produce miracles in your life!
  5. Be the change you want to see in the world! The energy you put out, WILL come back to you
    1. Give praise – genuinely recognize and praise the people around you.
      1. It makes them feel better and like you more
      2. It makes YOU feel better by noticing the goodness around you
      3. By looking for the good things in the world, you open up that part of the RAS and you will see more good things in your life!
    2. Promote what you love, instead of bashing what you hate–you get what you focus on!
      1. Focus on what you want in life, not what you don’t want
        1. Personally, relationally, politically
        2. “I want to be healthy and slim,” instead of “I don’t want to be fat.”
        3. “I want a loving, trusting, encouraging relationship,” instead of “I don’t want to be lied to and put down all the time.”
      2. Mother Teresa said she would never attend an Anti-War or Anti-Abortion protest/rally
        1. She would only attend Pro-Peace, Pro-Life celebrations
  6. While Self-Esteem is an internal thing, it is built in relationships with other people!
    1. Socialize with other like-minded people in settings that give you energy, brightens your world
      1. Support groups, civic associations, clubs, gym memberships, church groups (encouraging fellowship)
      2. Be around people who know your name, like you, and want to be around you
      3. Having friends and regular social contact out of your house increases your life expectancy!
      4. Laugh more! Watch funny movies, go out with friends who make you laugh!
    2. Volunteer in hospitals, homeless shelters, retirement homes
      1. The people will be genuinely appreciative
      2. When you serve/help other people, it makes you feel good about yourself
      3. It gets you to stop focusing on your own problems and realize there are other people going through same or worse situations
  7. Wherever possible, avoid toxic, negative people, and say NO to things that do not energize you that you don’t HAVE to do
    1. Don’t make excuses, just say “no thank you” or “no, I’m not able to do that.”
      1. When you make an excuse, you are really lying and that makes you feel bad about yourself.
    2. Find somewhere else to have lunch at work, if those people are toxic or negative.
    3. Avoid letting people “guilt” you into something–especially parents or relatives!
  8. Self-Care is NOT selfish!
    1. You must take care of yourself, physically and emotionally, as a priority over taking care of others
      1. Airplane air-mask example
    2. Learn to say “my needs are just as important as your needs!”
    3. Take some time away just for yourself, alone, unplugged to think, pray, dream
    4. Self-Care is generous! When you love and take care of yourself, you are actually telling the people around you that you love them so much you want to be the best you for them and you want to be around longer to enjoy them longer!
  9. You are 100% responsible for how you think, feel, and act
    1. Responsible = Your Ability to Respond
    2. E + R = O / Event + Response = Outcome
    3. You can’t change events or other people. All you can do is change how you respond to them
      1. Traffic, weather, etc, get us so upset. Why? Change how you respond so you feel good about it
    4. When somebody tells you NO, that no is only rejection if you tell yourself a story that it is rejection
      1. Rejection is God’s protection – Marci Shimoff
      2. Don’t tell yourself a story in which the rejection is a reflection of your own value.
  10. Know your purpose/mission – why you exist on the planet,what you hope to accomplish with your life and how you do it.
    1. Companies have vision and mission statements to shape what they do and create, and how they do it
    2. When you know your purpose, it helps you control what you think, say, and do – how you show up!
      1. You can’t “do that on purpose” if you don’t have a purpose
    3. Having a purpose helps you set goals that are in alignment with your purpose
  11. Control how you talk to yourself
    1. Affirmations, positive self-talk, positive self-questioning
      1. Start your morning with affirmations
      2. End your day by looking at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself all the things you did well today, what you want to dream about tonight and what you want to do tomorrow. Say “I love you. Sleep well. I’ll see your beautiful face in the morning!”
    2. Story of the kid in the backyard tossing the ball up in the air
  12. My happiness & self-esteem must be based on what I am at my core, not what I do.
    1. I am not what others think of me
    2. I am not my accomplishments
    3. I am not my work
    4. I am not my roles
    5. I am not my body
    6. I am my “being” — my higher-self
  13. Homework: Make a list of 25 things that you absolutely love about yourself and make you proud of yourself
    1. What YOU love about you, NOT what other people say they like about you

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